Ellen DeGeneres wants the last laugh when it comes to her Hollywood downfall — and she’s willing to be vulnerable to get it.

In her farewell stand-up special, Ellen DeGeneres: For Your Approval, the 66-year-old wastes no time addressing the toxic workplace allegations that have plagued her since 2020, and doesn’t hesitate to discuss the toll that it took on her personally.

“I got kicked out of show business because I’m mean,” DeGeneres reminded the crowd. “Yeah, you all heard I was mean. Everybody heard that I was mean. Everywhere I go, I know everyone’s heard that I’m mean.”

She continued, “I know when I walk into a restaurant, people are watching, waiting to see if I’ll be mean. ‘Do you think she’ll be mean first and then dance?’ ‘Oh, look, she’s reaching for butter. I thought she was going to hit somebody.’”

She went on to say that she learned the news from a headline that read, “How Ellen DeGeneres became the most hated person in America,” and joked, “It’s a horrible thing to say about somebody, and to make it worse, there was no trophy, no awards banquet, nothing. Just the title.”

She quipped, “I made a sash at home and I wore that around just to feel like I had something.”

DeGeneres, who has recently been open about her struggles with depression and anxiety, also admitted that the scandal and its fallout led her to seek mental health support.

“I was in therapy for a while trying to deal with all the hatred that was coming at me. And you know, it was not a common situation for a therapist to deal with,” she shared. “At one point, my therapist said, ‘Ellen, where do you get this idea that everyone hates you?’ And I said, ‘Well, New York Times, Washington Post, Entertainment Weekly, Us Weekly. I think Elmo may have said something recently on an episode of Sesame Street.”

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The controversy initially kicked off via a 2020 BuzzFeed News report detailing several Ellen DeGeneres Show staffers who anonymously accused the talk show of having a toxic workplace environment, including accusations of racism and sexual misconduct against producers. Warner Bros. investigated the complaints and uncovered “deficiencies,” leading to the firing of three high-level producers: Ed Glavin, Kevin Leman, and co-executive producer Jonathan Norman. DeGeneres eventually apologized to staff and offered them several perks before addressing the allegations on air when the show returned for its 18th season.

While the comedian did not directly address the allegations in her latest stand-up special, she noted that the show “was a family to me” and poked fun at the kind of environment that she tried to foster.

“We had so much fun together at that show. We laughed all the time. We played games all the time,” DeGeneres said. “I started a game of tag in, like, 2016, that we played all the way till when the show ended, ‘cause I just loved playing games. We played tag and I would chase people down the hallways, I would chase them around the studio and scare them all the time. I would jump out, I would scare people ‘cause I love to do that, and…”

After trailing off, she paused and said, “You know, hearing myself say this out loud, I realize I was chasing my employees and terrorizing them, I could see where that would be misinterpreted.”

Elsewhere in her special, DeGeneres pointed out that she is no stranger to being “kicked out of show business,” pointing to her historic choice to come out publicly in a 1997 episode of her groundbreaking sitcom Ellen.

“People in show business — they kick you out. Can’t be gay and be in show business. Eventually they’re going to kick me out a third time for being old, mean, old and gay,” she joked. “The triple crown.”

A year after the toxic workplace allegations first emerged, DeGeneres announced that her show would end after 19 seasons, though she did not cite the controversy (which lost the show over a million viewers) as a reason for its conclusion. That same year, DeGeneres said she “really didn’t understand” the allegations in an interview with Today. 

“It was too orchestrated, it was too coordinated,” she said in May 2021. “People get picked on, but for four months straight and then for me to read in the press about a toxic work environment when all I’ve ever heard from every guest that comes on the show is what a happy atmosphere this is and what a happy place this is.”